Continued from part one if, like me, you need to remember what the frotz I was talking about. Ah yes.
So do you know what your type is? Are you sure?
3. Look at your exes
The thing is, it’s not always easy to see exactly what you fall for.
Sometimes it’s only when you look back over your exes that a pattern emerges, and you get some kind of aha moment. Or often, it’s your long-suffering friends who can call you out on the trends evident in your choice of partners. Example: at university, a roommate of mine dated exclusively petite, thin blonde girls under five foot six. One after the other, BAM BAM BAM (or maybe BIM BIM BO). I don’t think he ever recognised he was wearing those blondie-blinkers.
So what’s your hidden pattern? For those chaps raging with the yellow fever – a meme I hesitate to reinforce even more but, fuck it – perhaps a look back through your relationships resembles a sex tourist’s itinerary through East Asia: a progression of doll-like Thai, Chinese, Korean and V-throwing J-girls.
For the ladies, perhaps looking back at your boyfriends reveals a lineup of older, authoritative, tweed-clad men who on closer inspection all look strikingly like your Dad.A couple of things become pretty obvious from an archaeological dig of my exes, regardless of what I think I go for:
- It’s a fact that every girlfriend I’ve had has been dark- or red-haired. No blondies, not a one. Evidently I don’t like my girlfriends to have more fun.
- There’s also a fair occurrence of what might accurately and revealingly be described as ‘Jennifer Connelly eyebrows’. I’m going to attribute this directly to the fact that I was full of sex drugs for most of the 1980s and early 1990s, when this was the trend. See: Miss Connelly, Madonna, Belinda Carlisle, Brooke Shields and [voice becomes oddly strained] Sherilyn Fenn.
4. Types are a tendency, not a rule
When someone of the opposite sex tells you their type, it’s easy to take it personally when that doesn’t match you. Resist that feeling!
This is the good news for jealous types: my nineteen-year-old self should have chilled the fuck out, rather than obsessing over my GF’s crushflavour. Having the features that she liked – long hair – might bump her opinion of someone a few percent in a good direction, but that’s not going to dramatically change her normal M.O.
This idea of feature X bumping up your opinion of someone slightly becomes very clear when you’re online dating. You’re spending a lot of time looking at faces and – unless they are DOING IT WRONG – bodies. If you’re paying attention, you can deduce from your own actions what eye-colours, what shoulder-shapes, what arbitrary body-things give your brain the holy fucktingles.
Because those things are many, and they are cumulative.
5. My type
It’s not like you can just point to actor/musician/minor TV celebrity X and say, exactly like them. Face facts sunshine, you’re not going to score with someone off the telly. In reality, there’s a bunch of small things that add up to lust, and they can combine in different ways.Here’s a rough guess at what things work for me, based on how much my reaction will be swayed if those features come up. I’m going RPG-style here and assigning a percentage of opinion boost to each feature. Bear with me: