Confession: Despite my blue state voting record, sometimes I am a secret objectivist capitalist pig. In the hippie Keaton family of my heart, there rages an Alex P. My inner Alex P. loves Excel spreadsheets, hates European office hours, and subscribes to the “Getting Things Done” philosophy of work. If it takes less than two minutes to do something, you shouldn’t put it off; you should just check it off your list then and there. My Alex P. has served me well at work and in life in general. But replying quickly and setting up appointments on the spot may not quite work for dating. At least, that is what some of my girlfriends tell me.
“You need to wait a few days before you respond,” they say. “Don’t write back right away.”
Who fucking has time for that? If I like you, I’ll say so. If I want to set up a date, the last thing I have time for in my life is to set a calendar reminder for later in the week so I can give guys ample time to let their bruised egos fan the flames of lust a little higher.
You need to be trained to want it? Then you don’t deserve it.
Despite my strong belief that I’m right in this matter, my track record of one boyfriend ever must mean that I am doing something wrong.
But how aggressive is too aggressive? Recently, I tried to set up a date with a guy we’ll call The Vegan. As previously stated, I like to pin down a date after the 2nd e-mail so things don’t fizzle because of a missing serial comma or split infinitive or whatever. I feel pretty sure that the Vegan will eventually be horrified at the amount of flesh I consume in my daily life, but I thought he was cute and I’ve got to get back into dating. (In fact, in a major faux pas, the first place I suggested for our date has the word “Meats” in its name.)
We were supposed to meet on Thursday, but I got a note that said he was sick and though he’s not usually a flake, he had to take a rain check. So I wrote back right away, suggesting a different time next week and…no response.
Was I too forward? Or was it the smell of mammalian byproduct emanating from my pores?
Related, for you busy people, how do you schedule being coy and unavailable into your busy life? That kind of shit takes energy and time that I don’t have.
Also related, does anyone want to be my personal dating assistant?